


For Me

by deityofgarbage



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay, I don't know what I'm doing, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Out of characterness, POV Alternating, POV Connor, POV Evan, Panic Attacks, Recreational Drug Use, Some angst, Swearing, haven't decided - Freeform, mostly because i'm not very familiar with them, not really - Freeform, slow burn sort of, there might be smut might not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-02-03 16:57:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12752415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deityofgarbage/pseuds/deityofgarbage
Summary: Evan was up as high as he could go, but he still didn’t think it was high enough.I just have to do it, that’s all and then I won’t be a burden anymore.Evan "falls" out of a tree and Connor just so happened to see it. They become "friends" and then they become something more.Sorry I suck so much at summaries.UPDATE THIS IS ON HIATUS: I want to write the entire thing and then post, so until then, enjoy what's here for now





	1. Evan's POV "The Fall"

**Author's Note:**

> Hello this first chapter is from Evan's POV or at least I tried to make it from his POV. Please let me know if there are any grammar errors or spelling errors, my dyslexic ass sometimes misses that stuff.
> 
> Italics are thoughts when they aren't in dialogue
> 
> Sorry if Connor is a little out of character, I'm not good at writing abrasive characters but I'll try.

    Evan was up as high as he could go, but he still didn’t think it was high enough.

_I just have to do it, that’s all and then I won’t be a burden anymore._  

    He’s been thinking about this moment for a while and now that it was finally here it was hard to actually go through with it. He looked up at the sky and saw how beautiful it was; he almost didn’t want to ruin it with his suicide. Evan was starting to regret coming to the park; he was going to ruin this place for everyone because he was selfish.

    He sighed. Evan could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks and feel his arms shaking. “D-Dear Evan Hansen, Today’s going to be a great day and here’s why. Y-You won’t be around to burden yo-you-your mom with all your shit. Jared can finally not f-force himself to hangout with you, and you can finally stop annoying everyone with how stupid you are. Sincerely your b-bestest and only friend, me.”  He’d hoped that this last “letter” to himself would push him over the edge. He was starting to hyperventilate and his heart was beating out of his chest. Did he really want to do this? Maybe. Would someone actually miss him? No. Would anyone find him? Probably.

    Evan looked at the horizon and saw the sun start to set. He was glad he got to see this before he died. He stood on the branch and placed his hand on the tree to balance himself; he didn’t really know how to go about this. Evan decided it’d be best if he just let go, so he did.

    The fall was longer than he expected and he was starting to panic. What if it hurt? What if he didn’t die? He hit the ground with a thud and he heard a loud _crack_ noise. Everything hurt, his arm hurt the most, he couldn’t breathe and he was starting to have a panic attack.

_I didn’t die. I didn’t die. I didn’t die. I didn’t die. I didn’t die._

    Was the only thought that raced through his mind. He couldn’t call anyone and he knew no one would come. So Evan just laid there; he laid there until the pain in his arm was too much and he  got up. He realized he’d have to walk to the hospital.

    “-y, Hey!” someone shouted.

    Evan jumped at the sudden noise and turned to where it originated, it was Connor. Connor Murphy was standing a little ways from where Evan landed, he looked shocked and a little annoyed, Evan didn’t want to know why he looked annoyed, maybe he just always looked like that.

    “You okay? That was a nasty fall.” his voice had a hint of concern. “Y-yeah I’m-m fine, just my-my arm hurts really b-bad I think it broke when I l-landed.” Evan looked down at his feet as he was talking. They stood there awkwardly for a few moments when Connor spoke up again “You should probably go the hospital, for your arm.” Evan looked up and avoided eye contact mumbling “I was just a-about to wa-walk there when-n y-you…” he let himself trail off when he looked up at Connor. To his surprise Connor’s jaw dropped and he started to shake his head

    “There’s no way you were going to _walk_ to the hospital. You just fucking fell out of a who knows how tall-”

    “70ft”

    “What?” Connor look confused. Evan was worried he said the wrong thing and started frantically trying to continue “Sorry, y-you di-didn’t k-know how t-t-tall the tree w-was and I-I just. I’m s-sorry youdidn’tknowthehightofthetreeandIknewsoIdidn’tmeantointeruptyouI’msorry.” Evan was shaking and looking everywhere.

_Great now he’s gonna think you’re a freak who can’t even talk without freaking out_

_over nothing you idiot._

    Connor held up his hands and tried to calm Evan down.

   “Hey, hey it’s okay you don’t have to apologize.” he tried to make his voice as soft as he could. “Can I touch you?” he asked Evan nodded his head and then Connor put his hand gingerly on Evan’s shoulder. “I’m going to take you to the hospital, okay?” and he guided Evan back to where his car was parked.


	2. Connor's POV "The Fall"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor went to the park to chill out but something, or more like someone, prevented that.
> 
> Connor doesn't know that it's Evan so he just refers to him as kid or guy, sorry if that gets annoying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I'll do the chapters like this, where it's just the same chapter but from the other's pov, tell me what y'all think. Again sorry for any errors that might be present.
> 
> Italics are thoughts if by themselves
> 
> Thank you for the patients and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

      Connor was furious. Larry had decided to yell at him for no reason and Zoe watched with that stupid fucking smirk on her face the whole time. The “reason” that Larry was yelling at him was because Zoe accused him of being high, which he wasn’t, and that set Larry off going on about “how he was just doing it for attention” and “that he’ll never get anywhere in life if he keeps doing it”; that kind of shit. That pissed him off, so he left the house and to further annoy his father slammed the door on his way out.

      So now, Connor is on his way to the park to calm down. He might smoke, he might not, he hasn’t decided yet. He pulls into a parking space, not caring that he’s crooked, and starts walking. Just as he got to the top of a hill near a tall ass tree, he saw someone land with a hard thud and he could have sworn he heard a crack.

_Holy shit!_

      Connor ran to whoever it was and saw that they were just laying there.

_Oh my God, they’re fucking dead they’re dead. What do I do, what do I do?_

      Connor was working himself into a panic, when he heard a groan. “Oh thank God.” sighing a breath of relief. “Hey, you okay?” but his question went ignored, maybe Connor wasn’t close enough to them? “Hey, you okay?” still no reply. The guy got up, and he looked familiar, but Connor couldn’t put his finger on where he’s seen the kid before. “Hey.” he still didn’t get a response.

_Ok this is getting fucking annoying, can the guy not hear me?!_

      “Hey, Hey” he finally shouted at the guy. Poor kid nearly jumped in the air and turned around, looking very surprised that someone was there. “You okay? That was a nasty fall.” he tried to hide the fact that he was annoyed with trying to sound concerned, which he was. The kid stuttered out “Y-yeah I’m-m fine, just my-my arm hurts really b-bad I think it broke when I l-landed.” then avoided looking at Connor.

_Ok… now what Connor? How do you fucking respond to that?_

      While trying to figure out what to say next Connor could tell that is had gotten awkward so he kinda blurted out “You should probably go the hospital, for your arm.” The kid looked up again, but Connor could tell he wasn’t looking him in the eyes. “I was just a-about to wa-walk there when-n y-you…”

_Wait WHAT?!? This guy just fucking fell out of a fucking tree and now he was just gonna WALK to a hospital!!_

      While Connor was having a mental freak out, the guy trailed off and was now looking at him. Connor shook his head and started to rant “There’s no way you were going to _walk_ to the hospital. You just fucking fell out of a who knows how tall-” but he was cut off by a quite “70ft.”

     “What?” he was confused, why would this guy know the height of the tree? But almost as soon as Connor said what the kid looked like Connor just threatened him, and started to rush out a stuttering response “Sorry, y-you di-didn’t k-know how t-t-tall the tree w-was and I-I just. I’m s-sorry youdidn’tknowthehightofthetreeandIknewsoIdidn’tmeantointeruptyouI’msorry.” the end was so fast and rushed that Connor had barely caught what he had said. But Connor could see that the kid was freaking out, so much so that he was shaking.

_Now look what you did asshat, you made the guy freak out. Why can’t you do anything right?_

    But before Connor let his mind berate him, he held up his hands and determined to calm the kid down. “Hey, hey it’s okay you don’t have to apologize.” he tried to make his voice as soft as he could. “Can I touch you?” he asked, looking for permission he didn’t want to scare the kid anymore than he already had. When he nodded Connor placed his hand as gently as he could on the guy’s shoulder. “I’m going to take you to the hospital, okay?” and Connor guided him back to where he crookedly parked his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope y'all liked this chapter cause I kinda don't, but it's mostly because I'm not sure on how to write Connor and his relations with his family. Tell me what you guys think.


	3. Evan's POV "The Ride"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An awkward and tense car ride didn't help Evan at all in that moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally going to be longer and also include him getting his cast, but I wanted to get a chapter out. So I hope you enjoy, I might tell about Evan getting his cast in Connor's POV but idk. Let me know what you guys think.
> 
> Italics are thoughts if by themselves
> 
> Comments are appreciated, and tell me if there are any errors and if improvements can be made.

       Being in Connor’s car was kinda surreal for Evan, the reason being he hadn’t meant to survive. The radio was turned low but loud enough that they didn’t have awkward silence. That, though, didn’t stop there being tension between him and Connor. Evan tried his best not to jostle his arm too much, but failed. Every bump the car hit caused his arm to banged against something, be it his lap or the door. 

_ God please just let us get to the hospital already.  _

     Connor must have noticed his discomfort and started to drive more carefully. Evan knew Connor was going to start talking when he turned the radio down even more. 

     “So… what, um, were you doing at the park?” the question was strained and awkward sounding. Evan tried to be as truthful as he could “Well I, um, work th-there and I-I just kind of want-ted to climb a t-tree today so I w-wait-ted till I was o-off shift.” He could feel Connor looking at him but he just kept his eyes forward. Connor didn’t suspect did he? Evan quickly added “Why d-do you a-ask?” 

     Connor shrugged “No reason, just wandering.” and with that he turned the radio back up, and the conversation was over. Leaving Evan to have a mini mental panic attack. 

_ Oh God! He does suspect that I tried to kill myself. Oh my God, he’s going to tell everyone and they’ll all think I’m a freak and a loser who tried and FAILED at offing themselves. _

     This little break down must have been noticeable, because Connor asked “Hey, are you alright? You’re not going into shock are you?” That last question made Evan chuckle, because how could he tell Connor that  _ yes I am in fact going into shock.  _ Even if he was going into shock, Evan thinks it would look different. Evan answered, so Connor would stop looking worried “N-no I’m not, or at least I don’t th-think I a-am. I’m j-just worried a-a-about how my m-mom is going to r-react.” he glanced at Connor to see if that answer was satisfactory. 

     It must have been, because they didn’t talk the rest of the way to the hospital. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this really short chapter, and sorry about that. What did you all think and should I continue with the alternating POV every chapter? Let me know, and thank you for reading.


	4. Connor's POV "The Ride"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's in his head too much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another short chapter, I really wanted to get something out there. I'm having such a hard time with Connor, but oh well. I decided not to include Evan getting his cast, because I want to to that from Evan's POV first. I really hope you enjoy what's in this mess. 
> 
> Italics are thoughts if by themselves, and sorry of any spelling or grammar errors.
> 
> THank you for the support and feedback.

    After placing the kid gently into the passenger seat, Connor drove like a bat out of hell to him to the hospital. He glanced over to the kid, to make sure he wasn’t passing out or something, when Connor noticed that the kid was wincing and he immediately knew that he’d fucked up.

_ Great! Now look what you did, the guy has a broken arm and you decide it’s a grand fucking dandy idea to drive down a bumpy ass road, full speed. You asshat. _

    Connor slows down to the speed limit, and drives more carefully. He doesn’t want to do anymore damage than what’s been done already. The tension between them was starting to become unbearable for him and it didn’t help that he had a ton of questions. For instance, why was this kid in the park in the first place, climbing that tall ass tree? And why was he going to fucking walk to the hospital instead of calling for a ride? So he came to a decision, he’d ask.

    Connor turned down the music enough so he could talk, but not completely off, he wanted an out in case it got awkward. 

    “So… what, um, were you doing at the park?” Connor knew that came out wrong, so he glanced over at the kid to see if he noticed. From what Connor could tell he hadn’t. 

_ That’s good, don’t want the guy to think you’re some weirdo who doesn’t know how to talk to people. _

    The guy stuttered “Well I, um, work th-there and I-I just kind of want-ted to climb a t-tree today so I w-wait-ted till I was o-off shift.” and then added “Why d-do you a-ask?” Connor honestly didn’t have a response to the answer just given to him, but it did answer why the guy was there, So out of just not knowing what to do, Connor just shrugged and said “No reason, just wandering.” and turned the music back up. Even though he really wanted to ask more, Connor didn’t know how to ask them. He didn’t want to bombard the poor guy with questions after he had just broken his arm. 

    But his curiosity got the better of him and Connor was about to ask why he didn’t call anyone, when he noticed that the kid was super fucking pale. 

_ Oh God, he’s going into shock or something! Is he going to die in my fucking car?! Oh God, a piece of bone marrow must have gotten into his bloodstream and is now in his heart! Fuck! _

    Connor asks “Hey, are you alright? You’re not going into shock are you?” his mind was buzzing with concern for this guy who he doesn't even know. Connor’s about to freak out when he hears a little chuckle, and he looks over at the guy. 

_ Well he must be okay if he’s gonna laugh.  _

     The guy looks at Connor, with a hint of a smile and said “N-no I’m not, or at least I don’t th-think I a-am. I’m j-just worried a-a-about how my m-mom is going to r-react.” 

_ Oh, that’s why he went pale and I guess why he didn’t call anyone. He worried about how his mom’ll react. Why’d you go freaking out, idiot.  _

     Connor didn’t want to continue talking (he was too busy mentally insulting himself). So they didn’t talk the rest of the way to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates, and they might get slower cause I'm starting school on Monday. Thank you for the patience and feedback it's what helps me get these chapters done.


	5. Evan's POV "Cast On"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan wait for the doctor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally done! It's longer than the other chapters, and I'm super happy with it. I hope you all like it as much as I do.
> 
> Italics are thought if by themselves, and please tell me if there are any errors 
> 
> Thank you and enjoy.

      When they entered the ER, Evan and Connor went to the front desk. The lady sitting behind the desk looked up and waited for Evan to tell her what he needed. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, trying to figure out what to say when Connor spoke up “He broke his arm falling out of a tree.” She nodded and went to type on her computer.

_ Great you couldn’t even tell them what you needed, you had to have Connor tell them. Can you even get more pathetic than that? Connor probably did that cause he didn’t want to see you flounder your way through a response. God can’t you do anything right. _

      The woman looked back up and asked “And you name?” looking at Evan. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt and tried his best not to stutter, but failed, “E-Evan H-Hans-sen.” he could feel his throat close up and he felt like he was going to throw up. 

_ Why am I such a mess? I can’t even tell people my own name without freaking out! _

      “Ok, and you” looking at Connor “Name and relationship with the patient.” Evan looked at Connor. What was Connor’s relationship with him? Truthfully, they’ve never talked before until today. He was expecting Connor to say that they don’t know each other, but instead Connor lied “I’m his friend.” 

_ Why did Connor lie? Was it so I didn’t have to be alone? Did he feel bad for me and was staying out of pity or did he actually care? Why would he lie? _

      Evan’s thoughts were interrupted by the woman’s response to Connor, “Ok” typing the last bits of information needed “Take a seat in the waiting room and a doctor will be with you soon.” Connor guided Evan to the waiting room and sat down. Evan’s head was swimming and he prayed that he wouldn’t have a panic attack. Thankfully, Connor took his mind off what happened by talking to him. 

     “How are you going to tell your mom, about your arm?” Connor looked like he regretted asking that but that was better than Evan sitting there in his panic. He replied “W-Well I h-honestly don’t know. The hosp-pital will probably call her, b-b-but I sh-should probably text h-her so she doesn’t f-freak o-o-ut.” 

     “Yeah you should do that now before she does.” Evan nodded and pulled out his phone. No notifications, of course, but that didn’t matter he had to tell his mom. 

To Mom: Hey mom, I’m at the hospital right now so don’t freak out when you get a call saying I am. I just broke my arm. Sorry.

From Mom: Oh baby what happened? Are you okay?

To Mom: Yes I’m fine, just sitting in the waiting room. I fell out of a tree I was climbing.

_ Please believe that. Please believe that. Please believe that. Please believe that. _

From Mom: Oh Evan you need to be more careful. I’ll be there as soon as I can, ok. I love you.

To Mom: Love you too.

     Evan sighed, putting his phone back into his pocket. “How’d it go?” asked Connor. He was looking at Evan with probably the sweetest look he’s ever seen on him.

_ Wait, what? Sweetest? _

     When Evan didn’t answer right away Connor raised an eyebrow, waiting. Breaking from, well whatever that was, he replied “Oh um, i-it went b-better than I-I expected actually. Which is g-good.” Evan could feel his face heat up. Why couldn’t he just to someone normally? Connor gave a little smile. “That’s good, your mom sounds real nice.” it sounded a bit bitter, but not enough that Evan got worried. 

     “Y-Yeah she i-i-is really n-n-nice.” after Evan replied the conversation fizzled out. They sat in somewhat comfortable silence, when a man in scrubs can into the waiting room and called “Evan Hansen.” Evan froze, he didn’t want to go alone but he also didn’t want to bother Connor vy asking him to come with him. He could feel Connor’s eyes on him, he was probably wondering why Evan wasn’t getting up and going with scrub guy. 

_ God come on, stop freaking out and just get up and go! Why can't I get up? Please! You’re holding up everything because you’re too scared to just go! I- _

     Evan was brought back from his thoughts by Connor. “Hey are you okay? Do you want me to come with you?” he sounded so worried, Evan couldn’t even answer him, just nodded. “Ok, come on.” rising with Evan and putting his hand in the middle of Evan’s back and guided him towards scrub guy.  

     They were led to another room, and sat there some more until the actual doctor came. When the door closed behind the nurse that led them in, Connor looked at Evan and asked “Why didn’t you get up when the guy called your name?” though he didn’t sound angry Evan thought he was. 

     “W-Well I-I don’t kn-now why e-exactly, I-I-I just f-froze. B-B-Because I h-h-have r-really bad s-s-social anxiety a-and s-sometimes it gets r-r-really bad and t-that h-happens. S-Sorry i-i-if you didn't wa-a-ant to c-come with me I know I-I-I can be a-annoying, I’m sorry.” Evan wasn’t looking at Connor when he finished answering, but the silence that followed wasn’t helping him.

_ He does think I’m annoying and I’m sure he’s gonna call me a freak, like Jared does. Why do I always ruin things? I wish I had just dyed like I planned. I can’t breathe! Great I’m having a panic attack in front of him, God please. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe- _

     Evan was in a full panic and started to cry. He tried to hide his face with his good arm, but he couldn’t stop himself from making noise.

_ God why can’t I just be normal. Connor’s going to hate me and we’ve only talked for an hour. _

     Evan heard Connor get up, he was convinced that Connor was going to leave but instead he crouched in front of Evan and tried to calm him down. “Hey it’s okay Evan, you don’t have to apologize. You can’t help it, it’s not your fault.” Evan wanted Connor to hug him, or touch him, or something to ground him. Connor took Evan’s good hand away from his face and said in soft voice “Evan I don’t know what to do, you’re going to have to tell me how to help you.” and he started to run his thumb over Evan’s knuckles. 

     Evan tried to take a breathe but couldn’t “I-I-I can’t b-b-breathe.” Connor’s grip on his hand tightened “Ok Evan, breathe with me. Three in, hold five, and out seven.” slowly Evan was getting his breathing under control, but his heart was still beating out of his chest. Connor said softly “You’re doing great Evan, almost there.” moving to sit beside him,and drew circles on Evan’s back. 

     Once he was calmed down, Evan sniffled “Th-Thank you, Connor.” he expected Connor to move after he calmed down but he didn’t, he just kept holding his hand and rubbing his back. “It’s no problem.” Evan knew his hands were sweating, and he really wished Connor would let go, though he didn’t  _ really  _ want him too, Evan didn’t want Connor to be grossed out by him. The doctor came in, stopped at the door, and looked from Evan to Connor back to Evan. “You must be Evan” closing the door and sitting down on his doctor stool “Can you tell me what happened?” 

    Evan stuttered “I-I-I broke m-my arm when I-I fell out o-of a tree.” the doctor nodded, and wrote something on his clipboard. “Okay then, let’s get an X-ray and see how bad the fracture is.” getting up from his doctor stool and going to the door. 

    Connor leaned to Evan’s ears and asked “Want me to come with you?” Evan nodded but quickly shook his head saying “I-I-I don’t know i-if you can.”  The doctor must have heard what Connor said, because he said to Connor “You can come if you want young man.” so with that both Evan and Connor got up and followed the doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the title is a bit wrong for this chapter, because he doesn't get his cast yet. Sorry if it feels like I'm drawing it out, I hope you guys liked it. Feedback is really appreciated.


	6. Connor's POV "Cast On"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's basically Evan's rock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long on this update, I've had a lot of school work and exams are soon. Pray for me.
> 
> Italics are thoughts if by themselves, sorry for any errors present 
> 
> Thank you for reading and comments are appreciated

     They had entered the ER and went straight to the front desk. The nurse sitting behind the desk looked up and waited for the guy to tell her what they were there for. But Connor noticed that he wasn’t saying anything and looked at him, why wasn’t he saying anything? Connor decided to to speak up for him and he told the woman “He broke his arm falling out of a tree.” Then she went to work on her computer. She looked back up at the kid and asked “And your name?” Connor realized that he had no idea what his name was.

_ How do you not know his name? Did you really never ask him?! _

     Connor heard a stuttering response “E-Evan H-Hans-sen.” 

_ Oh! That’s his name! But where have I seen him? Why can’t I remember. _

     Connor was brought out of his thoughts by the receptionist asking him “Name and relationship with the patient.” Connor could feel Evan’s eye on him, he honestly didn’t know Evan but Connor didn’t want to leave him by himself so Connor decided to lie “I’m his friend.” he noticed he didn’t say his name, because the lady was still waiting, “My name’s Connor Murphy.” SHe nodded and finished putting in all the information needed. “Take a seat in the waiting room and a doctor will be with you soon.” and with that Connor lead Evan to the waiting room and sat down. 

     Connor could tell that Evan was freaking out, because he was really pale and shaking a little. 

_ It must be his mom again.  _

     Connor asked, and then immediately regretted asking, him “How are you going to tell your mom, about your arm?” Connor was about to tell Evan nevermind, but stopped when Evan stuttered “W-Well I h-honestly don’t know. The hosp-pital will probably call her, b-b-but I sh-should probably text h-her so she doesn’t f-freak o-o-ut.” 

     “Yeah you should do that now before she does.” Connor hated how that sounded, Evan nodded and then pulled out his phone and started texting. Connor then sat there to overthink about how he sounded to Evan.

_ Why can’t I talk like a normal person, I mean God, that was the most fucking awkward thing I’ve ever done. He probably think you’re some freak, like everyone does, this is probably the only time you can say you have a friend AND IT’S A LIE. I should have left, I shouldn’t have said I was his friend, he probably doesn’t even want me here. _

     A sigh brought Connor out of his spiral of thoughts, and he looked to Evan has he was putting up his phone. Evan looked a little less pale. Connor knew he was staring at Evan so he decided to ask “How’d it go?” Evan looked at Connor like he was about to answer but he didn’t, Evan just looked at Connor weird. He raised an eyebrow and waited for Evan to answer. Evan flushed while answering “Oh, um,  i-it went b-better than I-I expected actually. Which is g-good.” Connor wandered why Evan was blushing, not that he minded. Connor gave him a small smile “That’s good, your mom sounds real nice.” he couldn’t stop his voice from turning bitter. It’s not like his mom’s all that bad, but… 

     Evan replied “Y-Yeah she i-i-is really n-n-nice.” Connor noticed that Evan’s stutter gotten worse and he wanted to ask why, but instead he let the conversation end. Everything was good until a nurse came into the waiting room and called out “Evan Hansen.” Connor felt Evan freeze. He turned to look at him and could see that Evan was freaking out, though he didn’t know why he was.

     Just as Evan started to shake Connor spoke “Hey are you okay? Do you want me to come with you?” Evan nodded and Connor rose “Ok, come on.” and put his hand in the middle of Evan’s back and lead him to the nurse. Connor could feel Evan’s shaking, he wanted to do something but he had know idea what to do.

_ Why is Evan shaking so much? Did I do something?  _

     They were led to another room, and sat there some more until the actual doctor came. When the door closed behind the nurse that led them in, Connor looked at Evan and asked “Why didn’t you get up when the guy called your name?” as soon as he finished asking he regretted it, because Evan broke down into a stuttering, shaking mess. 

    “W-Well I-I don’t kn-now why e-exactly, I-I-I just f-froze. B-B-Because I h-h-have r-really bad s-s-social anxiety a-and s-sometimes it gets r-r-really bad and t-that h-happens. S-Sorry i-i-if you didn't wa-a-ant to c-come with me I know I-I-I can be a-annoying, I’m sorry.” Evan wasn’t looking at Connor when he finished. Connor was silent.

_ How do I respond to that?! How can Evan think that about himself? He’s not annoying. If anyone’s annoying it ME! _

     Connor could hear that Evan was crying, and his heart broke when he saw Evan try to cover his face. The noises where what pushed Connor into action, he got up and crouched in front of Evan. With a soft voice, practically cooing, Connor said “Hey it’s okay Evan, you don’t have to apologize. You can’t help it, it’s not your fault.” he got the courage to take Evan’s hand away from his face softly saying “Evan I don’t know what to do, you’re going to have to tell me how to help you.” and he started to run his thumb over Evan’s knuckles. 

     Evan sputtered out “I-I-I can’t b-b-breathe.” and Connor tightened his grip on Evan’s hand “Ok Evan, breathe with me. Three in, hold five, and out seven.” and slowly Evan got his breathing under control. Connor moved to sit next to Evan “You’re doing great Evan, almost there.” and drew circles on Evan’s back as he talked. Once Evan was calmed down he sniffled “Th-Thank you, Connor” that made Connor’s heart do a backflip. 

_ He thanked me. AND he doesn’t want you to go fuck off, because you know you caused him to have, whatever that was, a panic attack.  _

    Connor continued to hold Evan’s hand and rub his back. He knew it was a bit selfish, but he didn’t want to let go, even if their hands were getting sweaty. 

     The doctor came in, stopped at the door, and looked from Evan to Connor back to Evan. “You must be Evan” closing the door and sitting down on his doctor stool “Can you tell me what happened?” 

     Evan stuttered “I-I-I broke m-my arm when I-I fell out o-of a tree.” the doctor nodded, and wrote something on his clipboard. “Okay then, let’s get an X-ray and see how bad the fracture is.” getting up from his doctor stool and going to the door.

     Not wanting Evan to have another panic attack, so he leaned to Evan’s ears and asked “Want me to come with you?” Evan nodded but quickly shook his head saying “I-I-I don’t know i-if you can.” The doctor must have heard what Connor said, because he said to him “You can come if you want young man.” so with that both Evan and Connor got up and followed the doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did writing it. The out of characterness is very noticeable in this chapter.


	7. Evan's POV "Friends"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan finally gets his cast and hangs out with Connor a little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is short I want to get as many chapters out as I can before exams. 
> 
> Italics are thoughts if by themselves
> 
> Thank you for reading this and for the comment, they really help. Sorry for any errors present.

     Evan sat on the examination table as the doctor put on his cast. His mom had finally got there, and the doctor was talking to her “The break was very clean, so no surgery was required. It was a good thing he had a friend take him here, or it might have been worse.” Evan cringed when the doctor said “friend”, because now his mom was beaming. 

_ No no no no no, now my mom thinks I have more than one “friend”. How am I going to tell her that Connor’s not actually my friend. WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL CONNOR! _

     When the doctor finished with Evan’s cast, his mother and him got up to leave. Evan was sure that Connor had left after his mom came, but to his surprise Connor was sitting in a chair just outside the door. Connor looked up from his phone and stood, walking over to Evan. Before Connor or Evan could say anything, Heidi spoke “Thank you so much for getting Evan to the hospital, I’m so glad he has more friends. He’s never mentioned you though, my name’s Heidi, and you are?” Connor stood there for a beat before saying “My name’s Connor, it’s nice to finally meet you Ms. Hansen.” and held out his hand to shake Heidi’s. 

     Shaking Connor’s hand she chuckled “Oh please, call me Heidi. And it’s a pleasure to meet you as well. You should come over some night and have dinner with us.” Evan eyes widened. What was his mother thinking? 

     Connor just replied with “Well I, uh, will have to ask my parents first…” 

     “Well that’s no problem, just tell us if you can.” and with that Heidi turned to Evan “Sweetie I have to go back to work, sorry I can’t take you home, love you.” then she kissed him on the cheek and hurried off. Great now, Evan and Connor where just left in the hall standing across from each other like idiots.

      Connor was the first to break the silence “Well… she  _ is  _ nice.” Evan just nodded before apologizing “I’m s-so sorry th-that she d-did that, you d-d-don’t have t-to come o-over. Unless y-y-you want t-to, of c-course. I-I’m s-s-sorry about th-that I-I-I should h-have t-told her th-that w-w-we weren’t ac-actually f-friends.” when Evan had finished Connor just shook his head. He looked upset but Evan didn’t want to ask, he already knew it was his fault.

_ Connor hates you, he hates you. And it’s all your fault, it’s because you’re so fucking annoying, why can’t you do anything right. You utterly useless waste of space! _

     Connor pulled Evan out of his thoughts “Hey, it’s fine. I’ll come over, give me your number.” handing Evan his phone. Evan was confused, why was Connor asking him for his number? He hoped Connor wasn’t forcing himself to hangout with him.

_ He probably is. _

     Evan entered his number and gave Connor his phone back. “Ok, now let’s get out of here. I hate hospitals.” grabbing Evan’s hand abruptly and taking him back to his car. 

     “W-Where are w-w-we going?” asked Evan, while buckling up. Connor shrugged “I don’t know.” looking over to Evan he continued “You want ice-cream?” When Evan nodded, Connor started the ignition and pulled out of the hospital parking lot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! It got hard to write with Heidi being in it (even though she was there for a millisecond). Thank you again for reading, I try to have the next chapter out soon.


	8. Connor's POV "Friends"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor has an idea and a very small crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally started writing!! Sorry for such a long wait. I'll really try to get the next chapter out quicker.
> 
> Sorry for any errors, and italics are thoughts if by themselves.
> 
> Thank you for waiting and all the lovely comments. Feedback is greatly appreciated!

     Connor was sitting in a chair out in the hallway waiting for Evan and Evan’s mom to come out. He didn’t know why he was waiting, Connor knew Evan’s mom would take him home and they would never talk to each other again. It made Connor feel a bit hollow.

_Why would we even talk after this anyway? Just because I took him to the hospital doesn’t mean that we’re automatically friends. It’s not that he’d  even WANT to be my friend anyway, for all he knows I’m just weirdo that was in the woods._

     Connor was brought out of his thoughts by his phone buzzing. It was Zoe. Heaving a giant sigh and rolling his eyes, Connor opened the text.

     From Zoe: Where the hell are you!! Dad’s pissed, mom’s worried sick, and I have to listen to them yell. You better not be getting high, cause that will only make dad even more mad. Just get home, asshat.

    Connor just left the paragraph his sister sent on read. He wasn’t going to tell his sister that he was at the hospital, because she’d jump to conclusions, and he can’t say the real reason because she’ll rat him out to their parents and Connor didn’t want to put Evan in that position. Connor would never want Evan anywhere near his family. His brow furrowed at the thought. Why was he so protective of this kid he literally just met?

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

    Connor looked up when he heard a door open, and when he saw that it was Evan and his mom coming out, he stood to go say goodbye to Evan. But before he could get anything out of his mouth Evan’s mother spoke “Thank you so much for getting Evan to the hospital, I’m so glad he has more friends. He’s never mentioned you though, my name’s Heidi, and you are?” He stood there for a beat, taking in what she had said, before responding “My name’s Connor, it’s nice to finally meet you Ms. Hansen.” and held out his hand to shake Ms. Hansen’s.

    She chuckled at she shook his hand.

_What was so funny about shaking my hand? Is it that unbelievable?_

    But before he could work himself up, she said “Oh please, call me Heidi. And it’s a pleasure to meet you as well. You should come over some night and have dinner with us.” Connor could see Evan’s eyes go to the size of dinner plates. Really was he that bad?

    He replied “Well I, uh, will have to ask my parents first…”

    “Well that’s no problem, just tell us if you can.” and with that Heidi turned to Evan “Sweetie I have to go back to work, sorry I can’t take you home, love you.” then she kissed Evan on his cheek and hurried off. And now, he and Evan were just left in hallway.

    Connor was baffled, she just left. She didn’t even do anything about her son, she just left him to fend for himself. Connor guessed that she assumed that he would take Evan.

_So much for her being nice. How is that nice? She just left her son, who has a broken arm, alone to just, do what?_

    He broke the silence that built between them “Well … she _is_ nice.” and Connor knew he sounded a bit peeved but Evan didn’t seem to notice, because he just nodded before apologizing for something that _really_ isn’t his fault. “I’m s-so sorry th-that she d-did that, you d-d-don’t have t-to come o-over. Unless y-y-you want t-to, of c-course. I-I’m s-s-sorry about th-that I-I-I should h-have t-told her th-that w-w-we weren’t ac-actually f-friends.”

    Connor just shook his head and said “Hey, it’s fine. I’ll come over, give me your number.” and handed Evan his phone. Connor couldn’t help but think that it was adorable how Evan looked like a confused puppy.

_Wait hold your horses Murphy! You can’t go having gay thoughts about a person you just fucking met!_

    When Evan finished putting in his number and giving it back to him, Connor grabbed Evan’s hand saying “Ok, now let’s get out of here. I hate hospitals.” and started to drag him back to hi car. When they were in the car, Evan stuttered “W-Where are w-w-we going?” in reply he shrugging “I don’t know”. Connor didn’t have a plan when he decided to drag Evan back to his car, then and idea popped in his head. Turning to Evan he asked “You want ice-cream?” and when he nodded. Connor started the ignition and pulled out of the hospital parking lot. He knew just the place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry for the wait, I'll try to get the next chapter out sooner. Thank you so much for reading this, it makes me extremely happy to know that you're enjoying this.


	9. NOT A CHAPTER

I'm putting this on hiatus so I can just write the entire thing and then update it on a schedule. Thank you for your patience, and by the time I start updating again this chapter will be gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this mess. Updates will be slow but I'm working on the second chapter right now so lets hope I don't abandon this. I wrote this on a google doc and it honestly looked longer on that, oh well.


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